Keep Watering Your Seeds

“We wouldn’t have lost if we didn’t throw four interceptions” is a comment I overheard from one of the kids as we walked off the field. We had just lost in a flag football tournament by a score of 14-8 to a team that we had previously beaten. The field was muddy, the sky was grey, and the rain was pouring down. You mix that in a pot of downhearted 3rd & 4th graders then you can see the output is not a happy trip to Disneyland.

Here we are, on the verge of tears due to an unfortunate loss after going 5-4 on the regular season and tying for third in the conference. It’s amazing to witness this team’s disappointment, as if this same team wasn’t 0-7-1 last year (I wasn’t here for it but the parents told me). As the defensive coordinator, I couldn’t ask for a better game from our unit. We forced two interceptions, seven turnover on downs, and I had three kids adapt to change by playing a different position than they played all season. To say I was proud was an understatement as we had 4 kids out of the 11 who never played the sport became starters and were an integral part of our team. Despite my happiness, I felt what my kids felt: That desire for one more opportunity. I decided my first order of business was to go to our quarterback and thank him for the leadership he had shown the whole season. As a former running back, I witnessed the field general take the blame a lot from coaches, teammates, fans, and themselves. I knew it was necessary to uplift him as soon as possible and ensure him that he was needed because these are the types of moments that can discourage a kid from sports participation. With a quick message at eye level and a small hug, I proceeded to walk him over to the team huddle where our head coach would address the team.

This moment made me question not if we did all we could do to be winners, but the victories we amassed throughout the season internally. We held them accountable for their classwork, behavior, equipment, and attitude. They accepted the challenge while developing every week as a team and friends. I remember one exchange with a kid that went like this:

Me: Hey do you like football?

Kid: *head nod* uhuh

Me: What’s your favorite position you like to play?

Kid: Run straight.

Me: … okay perfect cornerback it is!

“Take pride in the little things fellas” is what I repeated every time someone’s stance was wrong or they didn’t clap at once. My favorite memory was telling them before our first game “I don’t care if we lose 27-0, we will get blown out while doing things the right way”… we lost 26-0 that weekend (my bad y’all the power of words but I meant it). That was a defining moment for us, but it helped us as coaches see what we were working with and flushed the whole practice plan… we reflected, reacted, and responded. The best part about all of this was the journey it required to get us to a place to meet our team where they stood.

I’ve coached college football and high school, but I never had so much fun teaching the game until I ran across a bunch of 8 & 9-year-olds in the YMCA. The conversations, the personalities, the self-confidence, the goofiness, and the doubt all culminated in learning moments that will forever stick with me. Is this what passion is supposed to feel like? I’ll admit, that I don’t miss the life of being a college coach, but I miss the competition, development, and problem-solving that coaching allows. I often found ways to implement the ebbs and flows of coaching into my career as an academic advisor, student-athlete development professional, and now nonprofit founder. What makes it worthwhile? Knowing that I can lead a group of young men and women throughout these transformative periods of life. It’s knowing that the impact is not measured in the wins & losses columns but how they respond to adversity. It’s knowing that I am planting a garden for a child to grow in and water those who come after them.

“The relationships that you have with your players, the communication that you have with them, will determine your success as a coach,”- Tara VanDerveer, All-Time Winningest Coach in NCAA Basketball

I’m still finding ways to pursue my passion everyone. It might not be a space where I get the most credit, televised, and making the big bucks, but it’s where I want to be. I have realized the importance of having not only a coach of quality but that loves working with children. We have the power to change lives with our words, actions, leadership, and approach to the game. To my fellow coaches, you have a responsibility dedicated to these children. Before you become the Nick Saban or Dawn Staley of youth sports, I want to drop these three nuggets of wisdom (you might get mad at the first one):

1. Participation Trophies Aren’t Bad

   We are witnessing a decline in sports participation with high school students participating in organized sports at a rate less than 50%, the first time ever in the 21st century. Lack of accessibility, cost, and former experiences have impacted these numbers, including the lack of opportunities for young women when reaching high school. We need to reimagine participation amongst our youth and find more ways to create positive experiences as organizers. The trophy isn’t about who contributed the most to the team, it’s about seeing the season through and not giving up when it got hard.

2. Screaming isn’t Coaching

   Y’all need me to type it in caps? Take the whistle from around your neck and reduce those decibels in your voice. Understand that children have a difficult time managing the pressures they are facing. Tara VanDerveer once said, “The relationships that you have with your players, the communication that you have with them, will determine your success as a coach,”. Our job is not to add pressure but to help them find creative solutions to manage it. Enable your team to figure it out themselves with explanation, instruction, and repetition. I’m not saying you are going to handle every day and every moment with a calm voice but think about the intentionality in your delivery.

3. Stop Living Vicariously Through Your Team

   We get it, you were an All-American back in your day, you caught the injury bug, and played with a torn ACL your senior year. You are tough and that gave you all the cred and validity to become a coach. However, please stop trying to live your dreams through these young athletes. This is their journey and we are a fraction of their community that supports them. Listen to how they feel, lead them to being the best they can be on & off the field, and understand we have to use our opportunities to help them grow. Your pro dreams are done, check your identity at the door and help us develop the next generation of leaders.

Keep watering your seeds,

Trajuan Briggs- Founder & Sower at Win With Integrity Inc.

Interested in helping us promote equity and opportunities in marginalized communities through the power of youth sports? Please donate to our Win With Integrity Scholarship to impact our young student-athletes as all donations go towards equipment purchases, sports registration fees, and summer camps! To donate, please click on the link here. All donations are tax-deductible!